We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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