This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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