Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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