Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
