I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
