Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
pray to the hookup gods
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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