The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
