she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
