we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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