How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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