how can u be prego again
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
