Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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