even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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