I wish I only lived at night.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
