The best revenge is premature balding
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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