this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
