is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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