I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
