vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
