He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
