I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
