saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
