the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
