A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
