just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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