I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
