i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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