What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
