Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
