She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
