Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
