It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
