Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
YAS. BRING CRAB.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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