you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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