I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
