That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
