i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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