I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
