apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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