Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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