im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
