I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
