girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
