i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
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dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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