You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
