I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
