Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
accomplished twins. life is a go
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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