now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And then he peed in my hair
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