But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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