my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
