Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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