Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
