you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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