her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
soo... how was my night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
