i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
