it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
