Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
