We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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