I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
