You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
