Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
