Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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