If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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